For Sue, and all of Ben's family and friends. / Heather, Mark's Mom NATIVE AMERICAN PRAYER.
I GIVE YOU THIS ONE THOUGHT TO KEEP..... I AM WITH YOU STILL. I DO NOT SLEEP. I AM A THOUSAND WINDS THAT BLOW, I AM THE DIAMOND GLINTS ON SNOW, I AM THE SUNLIGHT ON RIPENED GRAIN. I AM THE GENTLE AUTUMN RAIN, WHEN YOU AWAKE IN THE MORNING HUSH, I AM THE SWIFT, UP LIFTING RUSH OF QUIET BIRDS IN CIRCLE FLIGHT. I AM THE STARS THAT SHINE AT NIGHT. DO NOT THINK OF ME AS GONE... I AM WITH YOU STILL, IN EACH NEW DAWN.......... Ben
A prayer for Ben / Evan Miller (Friend)
Hey God, its me. Yeah, I know, we don’t talk much anymore. Its just, you know, if you are there, I don’t see why you would really care if I believe and, well...you know what I mean. Its kind of weird-you know what I'm trying to say, even though I really don't. Anyway, I've got this friend. Ben Shamis, I'm sure you remember him. Well, he left us about a year ago, and I just wanted to make sure you’re looking out for him. He was really a great guy, had a lot of friends. Well, you must already know that. You wouldn’t have missed that memorial we had for him. Anyway, I just wanted to let him know that he’s still in our hearts. You'll tell him that from me, won't you? I've got to get back to my mortal life-working, learning, playing, loving, hating...just plain living. Thanks for everything, God, and say hi to Ben, Mrs. Whitehead, my Grandpa and Grandma, and everyone else I know for me. I'll try to talk to you again sometime soon.
ben's one year / Zz Quinn (friend)
one year ago today, i broke down in front of a class of 60. i sat in the middle of the commons sobbing into an anonymous woman's shoulder. i screamed at the top of my lungs with janet and caleb. we collapsed onto the wet pavement where your ugly gold car should have been parked. i fed devo soup because i didnt know what to do. i prayed to hear you call me something embarassing one more time. i found my dad wandering the halls looking for me because he had just heard the news. i heard "taps" and realized i could never listen to it again without thinking about a certain fallen soldier. i visited the band room and kissed the I. i went home and ate a pint of baskin robbins in my sisters bed. i cursed your name for giving me this day, then lit a candle in your memory and took it all back.
today, i woke up with day-old mascara streaked down my cheeks. i remembered hearing "taps" at the armed forces mariners game last night, and how id cried then too. i didnt face school because every step i take through those hallways reminds me of a tree thats been planted there, a candlight vigil, a picture on the wall with a thousand sentiments awkwardly scribbled next to it. i drove past baskin robbins and thought about stopping for a free scoop on my way home. i visited you and played your songs on my ipod, then bid you "adios", but not for good.
today is for you. you keep me alive. i dont ask why you left anymore, just why you couldnt have taken us all with you. maybe you did. keep me in your soul, youre still in mine. WE LOVE YOU.
Some people touch our life Then they are gone the next But the love they leave behind are what memories are made of
In loving memory of Ben,
Sue and Barry, I am here in Virginia, Remembering with you, Your lovely son Ben on his 1st heaven date.
I came here and lite a candle for him and for all of our POS children. Looking thru his website I can tell how much he is loved and missed. I hope the day went by gently with wonderful memories of Ben. Remember, that God grants us the blessing of "memories" to cherish; and Ben will be forever etched into your heart.
POS Love, Linda G (MOM OF BUCKY) 10/24/79 12/24/02
a tribute to a good man and a good friend / Anonymous (friend)Read >>
a tribute to a good man and a good friend / Anonymous (friend)
Its almost a year now and the pain has calloused, but the hurt still remains underneath. Ben was a great friend, one who I wish that I had known better. He was in my class in elementary school, but I didn't really know him until high school. He was the first person to greet me out of all of the freshman during band camp. Later, I became his coworker at the infamous Baskin Robbins. I never thought that torture could be so enjoyable until I worked with him. You find when you spend at least four hours a week with someone for 4 months, you get to know them pretty well. It wasn't well enough.
Thanks for the time you shared with me, buddy. I think of you and my heart rips apart, but tears don't come. They're still there, welling up in my soul. But your story is one with a happy ending, because now you have tasted the bliss of pure peace. I know you're waiting for me on the other side. See you someday. Twinkle Toes still watches over our shift.
Thanks for sharing a bit of Ben's life with us. What a remarkable young man he is. Our losses are great, but they are certainly Heaven's gain. God bless you.
Again today / M. (friend)
I was blind-sided by you again today. Sometimes there's something specific that reminds me of you, sometimes it just comes out of no where. Today, I don't know where it came from. Maybe you were in the air.
I miss you so much.
Will you please just let me know that you're ok?
I think of you every day. You never, ever leave my mind. Close
Sending you my love / Ally Jurkovich (friend)Read >>
Sending you my love / Ally Jurkovich (friend)
Sue and Barry- I think about you every time I look at the picture on my desk. I know that isn't a hug or a piece of Ben, but it's all I have. You are in my prayers. Love- Ally Close
our song / Zz Quinn (friend)
not a day goes by that i dont think of you, not a night goes by that i dont dream of you. heres our song...blast it in the goldenrod for me. i love you and miss you.
He started the day with a mood and a shake / He was finally arranged / And someone said with a cold, hard chest, "You're a mess!" / He woke up at nights / He thought he was twice / He was moving away / cause everyone thinks that it goes away with age / Hold me now / Don’t start shaking / You keep me safe / Don't ever think you're the only one / when times are tough in your new age / Hold me now / Don’t start shaking / You keep me safe / Don't ever think you're the only one / when times are tough in your new age / You better be cool at the time / He’s walking along with his soul in his lungs / Ya stare at him long you can find a new song / Everyone thinks they've got a new phrase / But you're still miles away / You're still miles away / I said, "You're still miles away" / Hold me now / Don't start shaking / You keep me safe / Don't ever think you're the only one / when times are tough in your new age / Hold me now / Don't start shaking / You keep me safe / Don't ever think you're the only one / when times are tough in your new age / Close
BEN/ Anonymous (classmate)
Dear Ben I did not get to talk to you enough. We had a few brief exchanges in world history though. You were so smart. When we were in groups together for projects you would whip out the most random historical facts, out of nowhere! I was in awe of you. There are people that have this ridiculous capacity for intelligence...you were certainly one of them. I was away from school when I found out that you had committed suicide. Why did you leave so early? You had so much to offer. I wanted to get to know you. I really really wish I could have helped. There are people that have a lasting impact. You are one of them.
To Ben's Parents: I've struggled with depression since high school started. I've taken the medication, and for me it has helped...though it has certainly been a struggle to find the right kind. What they don't tell you, which is so important to know, is that SSRIs can increase reactivity in many adolescents. When you first go on the medication, before the mood booster has kicked in, it can cause adolescents to feel more reactive while still in a depressed state. This is an extremely dangerous combination, and can result in violent behavior directed at oneself. From reading the letter on your website, it appears this may have been the case with Ben. If so, I wish you success in taking action, it is an extremely important issue that more people need to know about. I send my love to your family Close
Watch over your family during these very hard first holidays. My only child died in September at the age of 17, and it is the worst nightmare imaginable. Close
Blessings & care Benjamin / Jane Einarson (I care )Read >>
Blessings & care Benjamin / Jane Einarson (I care ) Dear Benjamin, Thinking of you & your family this season. May it be peaceful & gentle. Please watch over them. God Bless. Love & respect XXXOOO Close
I'm Sorry I Never Told You... / Katie Kurlon (Friend)
"Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say And now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away So far away Never had I imagined Living without your smile Feeling and knowing you hear me It keeps me alive Alive And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day Darling, I never showed you Assumed you'd always be there I took your presence for granted But I always cared And I miss the love we shared And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day Although the sun will never shine the same I'll always look to a brighter day Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep You will always listen as I pray And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say..." -Boys II Men
BEN, My dear old friend... I'm sorry I never told you all I wanted to say while you were still here with me. Well, I guess it's better late than never, right?
Firstly, let me tell you, that of the Kurlons, you would have made the RIGHT choice if you had said you wanted to marry me, and not my sister. I know that you and Sara had a blast teasing me my entire life, but we all knew that you teased me because you loved me, and that I was sassy right back, because I loved you too. Sure, it was a young and innocent little-kid kind of love, but it was always there.
You were ALWAYS my favorite of the Jew Crew. It's no wonder that we both developed huge crushes on eachother.
Did I ever tell you that I got in a TON of trouble back in 6th grade when I lied to my mom and told her I was going to a movie with Mallory and the rest of the Jew Crew, when in reality I was sneaking out to go on a "one on one" date with you!!?!?! I remember kissing you and being SO nervous. I can still remember exactly what your hand felt like when it was holding mine.
I remember all the Bar and Bat Mitzvah parties during 7th grade. I was the "wild child" and you were the nicest, sweetest guy in the whole world. We were always so flirtsy flirtsy, and I can't remember a single B'nei Mitzvah party we attended that we didn't slow dance at least once together.
As we both grew older, our Temple Camp days seemed to be distant memories, as we both stopped going about the same time. You, my sister and I used to have so much fun together. I remember all the overnights and spin-the bottle. We were such rebels! Sometimes you were such a little punk; I wanted to smack you! But then I'd just fire 'em back at you... We were both so conceited and fiesty. Gosh, that was so much fun!!! Do you remember laying in the grass that night and looking at the stars? I'll never ever forget that night. Our relationship was so much more than just bickering and teasing. You and me were so similar; we were both apples in a world of oranges.
I can't remember exactly when, but there was a few years in my life where you disappeared. To this day, I'm still not quite sure what happend to you during those few years when we lost contact with eachother. I know you left town or something. I really missed you.
A few years later, it took awhile for us to become friends again, after all the time had passed. We went to different High Schools, and had very different lifestyles, but, we still talked on a regular basis on AIM. We always had the most insightful chats about love, life, trust, death....everything. Whenever I was depressed, you cheered me up. Whenever I had a problem with my boyfriend, you advised me (usually, your advice was to "dump the chump" or something to that effect). You always wanted me to be happy.
The summer of 2004, I spent my summer in Texas, as I needed to run away from my problems in good ol' Washington. I remember laying in my bed and talking to you on the phone for hours on end at obscene hours of the night. The craziest part was, I hadn't seen you in person since early 8th grade. We hadn't hung out or seen eachother in about 4 years, but there we were, laughing and advising eachother on the phone. We both kept saying how we needed to get together because we missed eachother so much.
Ever since that summer, we'd kept up our AIM chats. Looking back, almost every day we chatted online, we'd both say, "lets get together and catch up" or "lets have lunch" with a lot of "I miss you" 's mixed in. It breaks my heart to think about this Ben, but I need you to know this: Every day of my life, I regret more than anything, that we kept putting off having our lunch. Life kept getting in the way for both of us ~ ~ no matter how hard we tried to make concrete plans, they always fell through. What breaks my heart the most, is that we never got to see eachother all grown up. It's been about 5 years since we saw each other last, but still, we talked all the time, and both knew that we cared about eachother deeply. And now, I have to wait many, many years to see you and give you a hug.
Your passing has changed my life, and made me a much stronger woman. I always heard people say "Live each day like it is your last", but never really took it to heart, until you left my life. You showed me that I can never assume "there will always be tomorrow" because that's just not always the case. I love people deeper now, I laugh louder, and I smile brighter. And, I eat Baskin Robbins as frequently as possible.
I know that you are in a happier, beautiful place and that you're watching down on me. I know you are somehow reading these words, or hearing my thoughts as I am typing them, and I know that you forgive me, just like I forgive you for leaving without ever saying goodbye.
I will never ever ever forget you Ben. Your words still echo in my heart and soul... "I have loved two girls in my life, and they were both named Katie". I'm glad that you know now how much I've always cared about you and loved you too.
Sue and Barry / Ally Jurkovich (Friend)
Sue and Barry- I want you to know that I am thinking about you all the time. I send my love. I also want you to know that I've heard from Ben and I promise that he is being well taken care of. He is in a better place and I mean that. Take care- Ally Close
Ben's words / Ally Jurkovich (Friend)
Sue and Barry- I want to let you know that I talked to Ben last night. He is being well taken care of I promise- all of my angels are watching him. I miss him dearly. Sending my love to you. Close
/ Aaron Shay (Schoolmate)
I didn't know you well enough. I never expected anyone in our class to die. It simply never entered my mind. You were a funny guy, Ben. It really rings true that the people that seem the happiest are sometimes the saddest. I don't know what you saw in death that appealed to you. I don't know that I'll ever know. May your memory bring peace to your loved ones' minds rather than sadness. Close
Hear You Me / Dani (friend)
this song is for you, benny
There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in. Close
from another grieving Mom / Cindy (POS) Janikowski
What a beautiful memorial to your wonderful son Ben. Sorry you have to be on this long hard journey. My son also died by suicide 34 days before your precious Ben. Ben, You will always be loved and missed by many. Hugs and Love, Cindy Close
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